Butterfly Moments

Butterfly Moments: Overcome Feeling Disconnected Through Awareness

Meditation: Blowing Bubbles

Begin by taking 3 long, slow, deep breaths. Breathe in……..and breathe out. Breathe in……..and breathe out. Breathe in……..and breathe out. And let your breathing be slow and regular.

Allow your eyes to close and use your mind’s eye to picture a small, grassy hill lush with green and surround by trees. The breeze is mild and the sun feels warm and relaxing. You are slowly walking, taking in the entire scene. You hear birds chirping and the sound of crickets. This is a gentle lullaby as you are fully aware of the moment. You take in the entire view and feel content and yet invigorated. You have brought with you a bottle of bubbles. You open the cap and take out the wand. Your fingers feel slippery with the soap water. You take a deep breath and blow a stream of bubbles. They flow and dance in the breeze. Iridescent and soft, the bubbles float away and gently ride the air current. There is freedom and beauty in their flight. Gently, they fall to the ground and a splash of light comes from them as they pop. You take another breath and repeat the same scene. Several times, you blow the bubbles and revel in their grace. You then take the wand and return it to the bottle. You replace the cap. This moment has been a time of peace for you and reflection on the beauty of bubbles.

We will close by taking 3 long, slow, deep breaths. Breathe in……..and breathe out. Breathe in……..and breathe out. Breathe in……..and breathe out. Return your attention to the room.

Butterfly Moments: Awareness

Each individual, each person, is their own butterfly. They have freedom. They have their own mind and path. When we overlay them with obligation, this only separates us from being in the moment and mindful of them and their uniqueness and individuality. We can superimpose what we think they should be, what they should want, or what we want, over their own needs being met. This dishonors them as individuals and takes away from their ability to be themselves and express their own feelings and ways.

Taking in a moment fully with another person means we have to release our grasping thoughts and desire to control the outcome with them. It can become really easy for us to dwell on the past or future and really lose sight of an amazing moment and all it could mean to us. Each amazing experience is more meaningful and magnified when we are fully mindful of the moment and let people be themselves, as they need and want to be.

There may be times we feel disconnected and reconnecting will take a willingness to be more aware of the moment. It’s not only self-awareness we need. We also must become aware and accurately perceive our environment and those surrounding us. This awareness will connect us in deep ways that facilitate connection, growth, and can supply us with the dynamic energy to really remain mindful of ourselves and the people who we interact with.

It’s important to have intentions for ourselves, yet being mindful also allows us to give other people the space to be themselves, as the moment unfolds. We can then feel the freedom that mindfulness gives and not be the orchestrator of our own desires in a given situation. There is a difference between being self-motivated and selfish in our aims. It may be tempting to manipulate another person towards our desires, but allowing them to be themselves will ultimately bring reality to the relationship and not an indulgence of our own fantasies.

Awareness and being fully present are critical to engaging fully in our lives. These butterfly moments come and go. There is no real predicting them and when they happen, it’s a time to cherish and embrace them. This delight can translate internally if we cultivate it in the external as well. We can find great contentment as we embrace awareness of delight in a relationship and reflect that delight in ourselves, about ourselves. It’s important for us to practice mindfulness so we can actually engage in these moments fully and make them opportunities for connection and joy. We can learn to delight in butterfly moments.

As we connect more and more to our own independent awareness, we can develop a greater appreciation of that connection, especially to ourselves. As we learn to be cognoscente of ourselves, we can create more space for self-worth and self-love. We can embrace our own magnificence.  We can know ourselves and who we are, what we need and want, and our strengths and assets. Any liabilities, we can transcend through highlighting our strengths and letting our weaknesses disappear.

Parable

I am out in the garden, surrounded by brilliant colors and fragrances. I notice a beautiful monarch butterfly approach. It flies with such grace and freedom. Nothing holding it back and on its own flight and path, in this life. Living for many years and traveling so far, this creature emanates peace and resiliency. I admire the butterfly’s self-determination and want to live that way myself.

Unexpectedly, the butterfly lands on my hand. We both fully enjoy this fleeting moment. I take in its shape and form and relish the intimacy and closeness this free being is sharing with me. I can feel a strong acceptance and connection. I feel the sunlight and the delicacy of it on my hand, I smell the garden, and I take in the entire scene. I am fully in the moment. Then, it flies off. What I have left is a memory of a moment when I was fully present and aware and remembering that brings me a sense of peace.

A few days pass, and I’m in the garden. My butterfly visitor arrives again. Once more, I admire its freedom. We have another intimate moment. Once again, it lands on my hand and we share a special time together. I cherish this for what it is and focus on the now. I am completely present and this off-chance meeting is a blessing. No expectations or fears, no obligations or anxiety. We both have total freedom to come and go as we please, yet enjoy a special moment together.

My expectation is not that I can call on this butterfly: it will not come on command. We have no duty to each other. This is a butterfly moment. I have no expectations or obligations. The butterfly and I are free to enjoy a moment together for what it is and leave expectations behind. I am fully enraptured with the moment and it is deep but fleeting. I cherish these moments and mindfully acknowledge their specialness and power to help me evolve so I can learn to better stay present and in the moment and remain completely connected to life.

Moral Savoring each moment lets us live life with awareness and connection.

Reflection

Do you let butterfly moments be butterfly moments in your life?

When have you found yourself clinging to expectations and obligations for others?

Are butterfly moments times you embrace or do you try and manipulate them to happen?

What does respecting your freedom and autonomy mean?

What does respecting the freedom and autonomy of others mean?

What is it like to be fully present in a moment?

How can awareness and presence make your experiences richer and fuller?

Are you willing and teachable as you embrace each experience in life as a butterfly moment?

How would it feel to be fully aware and one with butterfly moments?

Exercises

Butterfly Moments

In this exercise, you will be reflecting on your presence and awareness in butterfly moments in your life. The purpose is to acknowledge what you are already doing and to create a path to increasing and deepening your connection to these experiences.

Get your journal or some paper and a writing utensil. Think about your life, your entire life, and start to list sometimes you can remember as butterfly moments. Think of those special times when you were fully aware and had dropped your expectations for the other person. Times when you had no overlay of what you wanted or wished would happen and you just embraced what was actually happening. These times may include experiences with others in general, loved ones, nature, or a spiritual experience, to name a few. Try for at least 5 experiences. Leave space between each description so you can add to each reflection.

Now, add a description as to how you punctuated the experience. Think about your ability to recall those times and how it felt to leave them as they were, not overlayed with expectations of the future or romance about what happened. Think about what actually happened in those moments. Yearning and grasping for the could, should or would can cause so much distress. Think of the thought processes that you went through to really simply cherish the moment for what it was and not overlay it with obligations or hunger for more. Sometimes it can even feel like we are starving to have butterfly moments again and we obsess over these moments. If you had not been able to look objectively about butterfly moments in the past, think about how you could reframe the experience and learn to make it a butterfly moment in the now.

Finally, for each experience, list how you either engaged all your senses then or how you can reflect on the sensory experiences. Think about how your body and mind felt. Describe the sights, sounds, smells, tastes, and what you heard. Reflect on how special this moment really was and the entire scene and environment. Fully engage and reflect on those moments in your memory to become more aware of their significance.

What was it like to recall some butterfly experiences in your life? Did you find feelings of peace, joy, or serenity in your reflection? Are you willing to try and have more butterfly moments in the future where you don’t expect things from others and just take in the majesty of the moment?

Delights

In this exercise, you will be listing some thoughts or experiences that bring you delight. The purpose is to hone in on these special feelings to use later as you develop more effective coping strategies in later exercises.

Take out your journal or some paper and a writing utensil and give yourself a moment for reflection. Use your mind’s eye to remember different feelings, thoughts, actions, or experiences that bring you delight. Focus on those that feel joyful, centering, and help you feel connected to yourself, others, or something greater than yourself. This list may include some involved or detailed experiences or even simple things like drinking a cold glass of tea on a hot day or finishing a project and feeling satisfied with yourself. It could be loving and intimate times or maybe times when you are fully willing, open-minded, or honest with yourself and others. Try and be specific and provide some details of those delightful experiences. Aim for at least 10 different delights.

What were your feelings at this moment, now, as you listed these delights? Were you able to connect to mindfulness and maybe peace and joy as you thought about the things that really make you feel happy and centered?

Grasping and Letting Go

In this exercise, you will be relating to situations in which you feel a sense of grasping in and difficulty letting go of control and manipulation. The purpose of this exercise is to reflect on how that feels and if there is a different way of reframing those feelings.

Take out your journal or some paper and a writing utensil. Start thinking of situations that you feel distressed over or grasping when they ended or that you have the fear that they will end. Often, these will be centered around relationships, but this could also be a job or even housing or finances. Try and list at least 5 and give yourself some space to add to each idea. Describe the facts and then your feelings about each one. Think about also how this feels in your mind, body, and spirit.

Now, reflect on the delights you listed in the above exercise. Just consider those delights. Think about how to counter that distress with your delights. Try and apply the feelings you have with the delights to make the distress you feel more manageable. At this point, you are not trying to solve the problems, you are only trying to manage the distress more effectively.

Then, rate each distressing situation on a scale of 1-10, 10 being the most distressful, and jot that rating by the situation you are grasping and having difficulty letting go. Next, reflect on one of your delights and really envision the feelings you have from that delightful thought. Again, rate your level of distress in thinking about the grasping experience after engaging in the delight. Try doing this a few times in succession and rating your experience and using the delight to cope with the feelings.

Were you able to be more mindful of your distress and grasping as you reflected on those situations? Did it help you feel more comforted using your delights to re-center yourself through that distress?